Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Sometimes I don't think things through...........

This Saturday I am signed up to run my 3rd full marathon, but like a lot things in my life, I didn't really think this one through.  This Saturday I am signed up to run my 3rd full but at mile 9 when the full runners break off one direction and the half marathoners go a different way, I will sure to think things through.  I'm sure I will have my decision made by mile 1, way before I ever get to mile 9.  You see folks, I haven't ran more than 4 miles in the past few months.  I did a few 15 mile runs then I hurt my back, then I got better, then I got lazy.  It is probably a good idea to just sleep in on Saturday and try my luck at running the next race, but I am going to attempt to run, something.  If I decide to run this race and only do a half then it will be my 10th half marathon in the past 2 years,  also in my entire lifetime.  The only thing that I can't wrap my head around is that I will probably finish with my worst time ever.  And why, because I just didn't think things through. I will get a nice race t-shirt, pictures that I will hide in a tub, and blisters and diarrhea that will constantly remind me of the race for days on after.  But I chose to be lazy and not train for the race.  A decision that I will need to think through next time.  And there will be a next time because I need to redeem myself after this weekend.
I obviously didn't think this blog through either.  I have lost a total of 4 lbs since I started writing this.  I have been "seriously" at this "journey" (again) for 5 weeks.  That is not ok.  One week I focus on diet, the next working out.  Now I need to mesh the two together.   I have pictures to post but I have been putting it off because I haven't made much, if any, changes from them taken 4 weeks ago.  It is on my list to do, post the pics, that way I can hold myself accountable and focus on my health.  Something that I need to think through!
But there is something that I really didn't think through and I believe that if I don't do well on Saturday I can hold this one decision accountable for my poor performance.  I decided (obviously not thinking) to do a 10 day cleanse.  Not the kind of cleanse where you drink cayenne pepper, lemon pledge, and water, but lots of veggies (i.e. fiber) and some "pills" that clean out your system.  The pills maybe phony but they are doing something.  Plus I have been working on eating a 5lb bag of spinach.  There is only so many different ways to eat spinach and I think that I have found all 4 of them.  I have nightmares about spinach.  If a little person came running after me with a bag of spinach I would crap my pants and cry.  (sorry if I offended anyone, I can't help my phobias!)
Ok, I need to focus here, the point I am trying to make is, never, ever try a cleansing regiment within 60 days of a race.  I have a blowup mattress in my bathtub and have moved my flat screen into my bathroom.  Also, all those issues I have around using the toilet for "passing a movement" (if you know me, you know what I am talking about) well, they are out the door with this cleanse.  Every day feels like I ran a race at high intensity.  My intestines are giving me the finger saying "Take that you fool"  It will take months to get the toilet ring impression on my butt to disappear.  Lesson here, don't try to cleanse the system so close to when it will do it on its own after a race!!!!  I have been running a lot lately, unfortunately the running I have been doing will not help me improve my time in a race.   
Remember to always think things through, and booze and cleansing pills don't mix.  I'm just saying.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

$.10 Pony Rides Explained

During my last post I forgot to mention why I chose that particular title and since it is an obvious one I thought I would explain.  For those of you not up on the hip hop moves lingo, it is a dance move.  While standing in one place you gallop as if you were on top of a pony, not a horse, a pony.  Then you bring your arms up to set up for the next move.  I unfortunately never perfected this move since I spent most of the class bent over laughing.

Monday, June 6, 2011

$.10 Pony Rides

I attempted Hip Hop class at the gym last week and failed.  I have spent the last week in intensive therapy to get me over the deep depression I was in once I realized (again) that I had no rhythm and I will never get a call from Beyonce  to be one of her backup dancers.  I wasn't sure of the look on the instructor's face whether it meant he was embarrassed for me or if he was ready to punch me in the face.  Not only do I have no rhythm and can't dance, in class I make fun of the people who think that they do.  I'm sorry but I don't care if you are 50 and still trying to rock the leotard and think you have the skillz of a young Michael Jackson.  And you are white....... You can't dance.
So for all of you who unfortunately missed my big debut, I'm sure I will get a chance to embarrass myself soon and hopefully someday I will be famous enough to make it on Youtube.  Now I am sure all of you are wondering what the next big experience I will be taking on, brace yourselves.  I'm going White Water Rafting this weekend. That's right, the muffintop in a wet suit.  Awesome.